Gottman Relationship Checkup for Couples

You love each other, but something just isn’t working.

You care about your relationship. You want to feel more connected, less reactive, and more like a team. But lately, communication feels harder, conflict lasts longer, and the distance between you keeps growing. You’re not looking to point fingers. You’re looking to understand what’s happening and how to make it better.

That’s where the Relationship Checkup comes in. It's a research-based assessment developed by Drs. John and Julie Gottman, backed by over 50 years of science, and used by thousands of therapists worldwide. It’s one of the first tools I use with couples in therapy, and now, you can access it from home.

Gottman-trained couples therapist offering relationship checkups in San Luis Obispo

Woman reviewing her Gottman Relationship Checkup assessment results online

What It Is

The Relationship Checkup is an in-depth online assessment ($99) designed to highlight the strengths, struggles, and patterns in your relationship. It helps you understand not just what is going wrong—but why, and how to change it.

You and your partner will each complete a confidential questionnaire (on your own devices), and I’ll review your results and send you a personalized report with insights and next steps.

Sample Gottman Relationship Checkup report showing strengths and challenges

What You’ll Get

Here's what your 10-page report includes:

• Your Sound Relationship House Analysis - A detailed assessment of all 9 levels of your relationship foundation: Love Maps, Fondness & Admiration, Turning Toward, Positive Perspective, Conflict Management, Making Life Dreams Come True, Creating Shared Meaning, Trust, and Commitment

• Specific Strengths & Challenges Identified - Each area is clearly marked as a strength or challenge with detailed explanations, so you know exactly what's working and what needs attention

• Conflict Management Breakdown - In-depth analysis of how you handle disagreements, including harsh startup, the Four Horsemen (criticism, defensiveness, contempt, stonewalling), flooding, accepting influence, compromise, and repair attempts

• Shared Meaning Assessment - Whether you're aligned on rituals of connection, supporting each other's roles, shared goals, and life symbols

• Visual Summary with Clear Indicators - Easy-to-read graphics showing your relationship's strengths and growth areas at a glance

• Research-Based Recommendations - Specific, actionable tools and next steps tailored to your unique relationship dynamics

Think of it like a GPS for your relationship, showing you exactly where you are and how to get where you want to go together. View a sample report.

Couple reviewing their Relationship Checkup report together and discussing next steps

Why It Matters

Most couples wait 6 years before seeking help. By then, negative patterns are deeply entrenched. The Checkup gives you a science-backed roadmap now, so you can intervene early and prevent small issues from becoming serious problems.

This is ideal for couples who:

• Feel stuck in repetitive arguments or communication breakdowns

• Want to feel closer and more emotionally connected

• Prefer structure and insight over guessing

• Are unsure if they need therapy but know something needs to change

Couple using Gottman Relationship Checkup to understand their relationship patterns

What Happens Next?

Once you both complete the assessment, I'll review your results and send you a personalized report within 1 business day with:

• A clear snapshot of your relationship dynamics

• Key focus areas for growth

• Research-backed recommendations to help you improve your connection

Use it as a DIY roadmap or as the first step in couples therapy. Either way, you’ll walk away with more insight and direction, based on what actually helps couples stay connected long-term, not guesswork, pop advice, or outdated myths.

Note: All new couples therapy clients begin with the Relationship Checkup to ensure we start with a clear roadmap.

Couple working through relationship exercises together using Relationship Checkup results

What to Do With Your Results

Three Ways to Use Your Checkup:

1. DIY Approach - Use the insights and recommendations to work on your relationship independently

2. With Relationship Builder - Let your results guide which modules to focus on in the $300 Relationship Builder program

3. Before Therapy - Start your first session with clear direction and skip the guesswork (Book couples therapy →)

Frequently Asked Questions

How long does the assessment take?

Each partner completes it separately in about 60 minutes. You can pause and come back to it anytime.

When will we get our results?

You'll receive your personalized 10-page report within 1 business day after both partners complete the assessment.

What if we're not sure we need therapy?

That's exactly what the Checkup is for— to give you clarity on what's happening in the relationship and whether therapy would help. Many couples use it as a decision-making tool.

Is the assessment confidential?

Yes. Each partner completes it privately on their own device, and your individual answers remain confidential—your partner will never see how you specifically answered each question. The report shows your relationship's overall strengths and challenges without identifying who answered what. This confidentiality allows you both to be completely honest, which leads to the most accurate and helpful results.

What if only one of us wants to do this?

Both partners need to complete the assessment to get the full relationship picture and personalized report.

What if our results show serious problems?

The Checkup is designed to give you clarity, not alarm you. Even if significant challenges are identified, the good news is that all of these areas can be improved when both partners are willing to work on them. You'll receive specific recommendations for what to focus on, and many couples feel relief finally understanding what's been happening. From there, you can decide whether to work on it independently, use the Relationship Builder, or start couples therapy for more personalized support.